Subject: “The Midnight Gift Massacre.”

*Hades Offers No Comment.

At precisely 06:12 this morning, Keith entered the main Guild hall and discovered that three (3) of his wrapped Midwinter presents had been:

unwrapped,

shredded,

redistributed,

and then arranged in what officials are describing as

a deliberate festive crime scene.

The remains included torn wrapping paper, ribbons in varying states of distress, and at least one name label bearing the word “Keith.”

Hades was found at the centre of the destruction,

seated calmly amid the debris,

staring directly at investigators with unwavering, unblinking composure.

He refused to move.

He refused to look guilty.

He refused to acknowledge the problem.

Witnesses report:

Hades maintaining “absolute silence with intent.”

Keith shouting, “THAT WAS LIMITED EDITION PAPER!”

Brin asking if the shredded bits were “snacks.”

Corvus claiming this was “retaliation for the snowglobe incident.”

Eglantine offering a quiet sigh that suggested she predicted this weeks ago.

Blue adding four new HR categories under “Wrapping-Related Misconduct.”

Hades was last seen batting a scrap of ribbon.

Investigators agree this is a red flag.

Cleanup is ongoing.

Keith is seeking damages.

Hades remains unmoved.

Investigation ongoing.