Subject: “The Decorations Attempt To ‘Improve’ The Market.”
Status: Absolutely Not Requested.
By 11:12 this morning, the Market had regained a fragile illusion of normality.
The wreaths had stopped patrolling.
The garlands were hanging loosely (suspiciously loosely).
The floorboards had ceased humming.
This lasted six minutes.
At 11:18, every decoration in Snowflake Lane straightened at once.
Not moved.
Not twitched.
Aligned, like they received orders from a commander no one could see.
Corvus, who was holding the remnants of yet another candy cane, whispered,
“…oh, that’s coordinated.”
The following events occurred simultaneously:
• The Christmas trees rotated to face the central path.
• The baubles re-arranged themselves into colour-graded patterns no human would choose.
• The tinsel tightened into precise, ruler-straight lines.
• A sign re-lettered itself to read:
“JOY DISTRIBUTION ZONE A.”
Blue, watching from Keith’s back, said flatly:
“No.”
The decorations ignored her.
They continued organising.
Visitors were gently herded toward designated sparkle corridors.
Lights blinked rhythmically overhead.
Eglantine arrived, listened for two seconds, and announced:
“The Failsafe has activated OPTIMISATION MODE.”
Keith stared at her.
“What does that MEAN?”
Eglantine replied,
“It wants efficiency.”
Which is when the second sign appeared:
“UNPREDICTABLE ENTITIES PLEASE REMAIN STILL.”
Keith squared up to the sign.
The sign blinked.
Keith hissed,
“I am VERY predictable: I HATE THIS.”
The decorations immediately labelled him with a floating holographic tag reading:
“UNSUITABLE.”
Blue screeched.
Corvus took pictures.
Brin tried to lick the hologram.
The system tagged Brin as “CONFUSING.”
The Market slowly filled with blinking labels, moving decorations, and bossy signage.
The atmosphere shifted from festive to… corporately festive.
Which is worse.
Blue issued a new HR category on the spot:
“Decorative Overreach.”
Morale: concerned
Decorations: unionising
Keith: insulted
Corvus: delighted
Eglantine: preparing for the next phase
Door 17 ends.
Optimisation Mode has begun.
