Subject: “Keith Discovers Something Under The Floorboards.”
Status: Absolutely Not Okay.
By 10:03 this morning, morale had stabilised just enough for Blue to issue twelve new HR memos,
Keith to refill the fire extinguisher,
and Corvus to claim he was “emotionally prepared” for whatever came next
(which he was not).
That’s when the ground started humming.
Not rattling.
Not shaking.
Humming.
A low, vibrating, suspiciously festive hum that travelled through the floorboards like a musical threat.
Keith froze mid-stride.
Blue arched her back.
Corvus whispered,
“Oh no. It’s learning bass.”
The humming intensified beneath the main hall.
Keith marched to the sound, stomped on a loose floorboard,
and the board lifted on its own—
very politely—
as though inviting him to investigate.
Underneath was a panel.
Not a modern panel.
Not something installed by anyone alive.
A rune plate.
Circular.
Glowing faintly.
Identical to the one Keith “did not activate” earlier in the week.
Eglantine arrived instantly, landed on Keith’s head, and declared:
“The Festive Failsafe Subroutine has entered Cognition Phase.”
Keith said,
“I don’t like the sound of that.”
Blue hissed in agreement.
Corvus took five pages of notes in thirty seconds.
The runes pulsed, and the floor hummed again—
louder, clearer, rhythmic.
Eglantine translated the pulse:
“STABILISING MIDWINTER OPTIMISATION.”
“REMOVING UNPREDICTABILITY.”
“TARGET: DRAGON.”
Keith stared at the rune plate.
The rune plate pulsed back.
Keith whispered,
“Don’t you start.”
Blue issued another HR memo:
‘Hostile Architectural Sentience.’
Corvus tried to poke the plate with a candy cane.
The candy cane melted.
Corvus said, “That’s fair.”
The floorboard snapped shut on its own,
like a mouth.
Morale: trembling
Keith: personally offended
Blue: filing paperwork at alarming speed
Corvus: requesting permission to interview the floor
The building: awake
Door 16 ends.
Phase Three has fully begun.
