Subject: “Wreath Mobilisation Event.”
Status: Decorations Are Becoming… Strategic.
At 08:42 this morning, a wreath moved.
Not rolled.
Not fell.
Not shifted due to draught.
Moved.
Deliberately.
Horizontally.
Across the floor.
The incident began when Keith entered the main hall to “check on the lights”
(which is code for
“I’m going to glare at the rune panel until it behaves”).
Upon arrival he encountered a wreath positioned directly in his path.
Keith stepped left.
The wreath stepped left.
Keith stepped right.
The wreath stepped right.
Keith froze.
The wreath rotated slowly, as if sizing him up.
Corvus, who was perched on a chair pretending to be an innocent bystander, declared:
“Oh good. They’re learning.”
Moments later:
• A second wreath rolled in from the corridor at alarming speed
• Blue shouted, “DO NOT ENGAGE THE DECORATIONS”
• Brin tried to ride one like a festive skateboard
• Eglantine muttered, “the uprising begins” and flew to higher ground
• Hades vanished under the tablecloth with a noise of deep feline disapproval
Keith attempted to assert dominance,
which involved puffing himself up and shouting,
“STOP FORMING RANKS. THIS IS A MARKET, NOT A WAR.”
The wreaths ignored him.
They formed ranks.
Further investigation revealed:
• The runes under the control panel (the one Keith definitely didn’t activate)
began glowing again at exactly the moment the wreaths mobilised.
• The lights blinked a new pattern.
• Eglantine translated it as:
“CALIBRATION PROTOCOL: DECORATIVE AUTONOMY.”
Corvus fainted from joy.
Blue added another HR category:
“Animated Décor Behavioural Deviance.”
The decorations are now believed to be testing their range of motion.
Keith has declared martial law on tinsel until further notice.
Morale: nervous but entertained
Threat level: moderate
Decorations: mobile
Keith: pacing
Corvus: taking notes he absolutely should not be taking
Door 14 concludes.
Door 15 is predicted to involve garlands.
Possibly vengeance.
